The Sad Circus by the Sea: You Want Me to Sign What?

February 2007

January 19, 2007

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You Want Me to Sign What?

Went to Ohayocon. Signed a boobie. Sometimes that happens. I don't know why it happens, but it does. Fat guys included. I've signed foreheads, necks, pimply backs, arms and legs, and boobies. They just plop it out, all smiles for their favorite robot in a dog suit, GIR. But girls, you should understand, GIR the cartoon character isn't signing your boobie. This guy is:

I am the voice actor, not the character himself, and while it's true I gave GIR a good shot of my personality through my inflections (and lack of proper training), I'm still a complete stranger to you, and as far as I can tell, it's not Mardi Gras. I appreciate the affection, I do, but you have to understand it puts me in a very awkward position when you do that. You lock me up like Mr. Deer before his old pal the Headlight. There's a big part of me that wants to sign everything you put in front of me without question and and without end (the signing depicted in the above photo lasted six hours (circa 2002)) because I have a problem with disappointment. I hate disappointing people, even strangers, so while my first reaction to exposed flesh is usually one of mildly conditioned repulsion (no, I am not Burning Man material), the other part of me, probably also conditioned, is screaming in my head, SHE WANTS YOU TO SIGN THE BOOBIE! NOW SIGN IT! SIIIIGN IIIIIT! On the outside, I'm all smiles and jokes, but really, kids, on the inside I'm having a panic attack. So many questions, they move through my head as gracefully as bowling on an incline: how old is this girl, why is she doing this, can I angle this marker so as my pinky doesn't accidentally brush her boob? I also think of the time when, in 1991, while leaving a Denny's at three AM, a drunken girl pinched my ass, and I turned around just in time to see Tavisha throwing the girl through the door. I'm so glad she has a sense of humor. And you girls should be glad that, sexually, I'm damn near dead to the world. Repressed? Prudish? In this sexually belligerent world, sure. I call it being sexually disciplined .. and reasonable.

Now, I'm not mad. I'm just explaining my position to future boobettes, asking you to be merciful and keep your parts out of pen's reach, because I can just see it: some girl's going to walk out of one of these con's in the future and get murdered by a guy in a Naruto headband and when the coroner takes a look, there's my name scrawled across her ass. And NO: I will not sign your ass.

Now, of couse, I don't have this problem with ShutterBox fans. They're a much more mild bunch. They're also very patient. Which is why it pains me to say that ShutterBox Book Four will not be in stores until September of this year (2007). I'm told the reason for this delay has to do with Tokyopop's HarperCollins distribution deal. It used to be that Tokyopop needed only a six month lead time to list books in a catalog. Now with HarperCollins distributing, it takes a year. The good news is that there shouldn't be as long a wait between ShutterBox Book Four and Book Five. Once we reach the half way point in finishing Book Five, which should be about June or July of this year, they'll start the one year listing process from there.

Thanks for reading, and keep them boobies ... well, just keep them.

-Rikki

(LiveJournal version of entry here: http://rikkisimons.livejournal.com/20796.html)

January 19, 2007 | Permalink

Comments

Why don't you get more comments O_o....? I don't understand -_-' I mean you're the voice of Gir who is the bestest most totally awesomest, erm, thing to every never exist >.< And even though you are of course not Gir (the sad and painful truth ; _ ; ) that still boosts you way up the cool list :D Then you add to that the fact that you and Tavisha-san created ShutterBox...... X_x ....I....e.....*Dies*..... Needless to say I'm a fan ^-^' Anyways, keep up the awesomeness, and the sooner everyone realizes that ShutterBox kicks ass the better!
~Peace! (^-^)V

Posted by: ~Hannah~ | January 20, 2007 at 11:47 PM

Most comments to this blog are made at the Live Journal version here: http://rikkisimons.livejournal.com/20796.html.

Posted by: Rikki Simons | January 21, 2007 at 04:57 PM

Ohhh that makes sense ^-^ Well I don't use my Live Journal account sooooo.....yeah -_-' I would read and post there instead but I'd feel stupid if I only made posts and never wrote anything.... I'll just stick to posting on this site ^-^ (Though I am glad to know that people haven’t gone stupid *rejoice*)

Posted by: ~Hannah~ | January 21, 2007 at 08:54 PM

=O You are too GIR! Don't fill my head with such LIES!!! Lol...
v_v I miss Invader ZIM... Bring GIR back!!! ... ZIM can come too.

*Starts Screaming 'n Running in Circles* BRING BACK Invader Zim!!! *Falls Over* "Hello Floor... make me a sammich." -GIR

Posted by: Steve | January 22, 2007 at 09:03 AM

...Ok, I know I may sound like a Crazed fan-boy on Speed, but bear with me.

I've heard rumors that Inavder Zim maybe be comming back to TV... in 2008. And I've also heard a rumor that you wouldn't be doing the voice of our beloved Gir...is this true?! I must know! *Waits patiently* ...I'mma go get some Taquitos... "and a Clown with no Head!!!"
=D

Posted by: Steve | January 22, 2007 at 09:14 AM

I'm about 99.99% sure that both of those rumors are just rumors, Steve. I leave the .01% open for the imaginary exec who may be pondering re-editing ZIM with segments of Full Metal Jacket.

The show has been translated into Japanese though, and there's a felmale actress for GIR.

Posted by: Rikki Simons | January 22, 2007 at 11:36 AM

O_o Gir with a female voice would be weird (for all the anime I watch in Japanese you think I'd be used to girls doing guys voices ^-^') However cool it would be if they brought back Invader Zim I couldn't really imagine it, and you'd know for sure so....yeah ; _ ; Oh well *pouts*

Posted by: ~Hannah~ | January 22, 2007 at 01:09 PM

september???? D= oh crap.

*dies dramatically for effect*

Posted by: Mia | January 22, 2007 at 08:30 PM

I guess it's good to be the King. *grin*

Just don't start emulating Captain Cartoon, please. {ducks thrown chair}

Posted by: Chris Wallace | January 23, 2007 at 06:28 AM

Oh well, 0.01% is better than 0%... I can still hope... I mean with as many ZIM fans as there are out there, you'd figure that they'd be begging to get it back... :/ I hate Nick.... =_=;

"Why is [Nick's] head so big? Whyy is [Nick's] head so BIIIG!?"
(Yet their Brain is so Teeny-Tiny...)

I should check out Shutter Box... I know that a couple of my friends read it, but I never really thought about it... ^-^;

Posted by: Steve | January 23, 2007 at 09:32 AM

I never understood people wanting their boob signed. I for one am not really comfortable with the idea of whipping 'em out in front of total strangers, only for the signature to be washed away next time I bathe. Yet, they do it. But I'd rather see a girlie boob than a fat, flabby, hairy guy-boob. (But then again...some girls do fall under that category...)

Maybe fans of yours DON'T bathe. Hahaha! Wait. Ew!

Posted by: Jamie | February 01, 2007 at 11:17 AM

I never get a chance to go to any conventions, so sadly, Rikki will probably never be able to sign my ass. :'(

(zim is not coming back. ever.)

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